There's no way for me to neatly break down all that's happened with me in the last 3 months...so lemme jus' tell a lil' story:

Tuesday, March 17:

So, I went out to play my snare drum for tips on the corner of 14th and Irving St. in DC (an outdoor mall-like strip) and this mom walks up with her two small kids (3 yr old girl, 5 yr old boy). The two kids pointed and said something like, "Look at the drummer!!"

The mom stopped and brought them right in front of me -- and the kids started dancing and frolicking freely to the beat right on the sidewalk of the 14th street business strip!! The mom (and many passer-bys) seemed highly entertained by the scene. That's the kinda stuff that makes a brotha smile.

Y'all take it easy, now.

TAKING INVENTORY

It's turning out to be self-examination time (2 Cornthns. 13:5). In a nutshell, that's whas up. The goal here is not to pump myself up in arrogance or to put myself down in false humility. It's to get an accurate, honest viewpoint of who am I as of this moment, and to gain insight on where God wants me to go. Come along if you wish.

BASICS:

Q: Who are you? A: I'm a child of the Lord. 

Q: How long have you been alive? A: Just over 5 years and 2 months.

Q: How long have you been in existance (physically)? A: Just under 23 and 3/4's years.

INTERESTS:

Q: What do you enjoy doing? A: I like playing music (mostly piano, vocals, and drums), basketball, performing for God's glory, writing poetry/stories/music, creating fictional characters who express different aspects of who I am, conversing with people, lifting others' spirits whenever possible, helping people do their own self-inventory in light of the Word, drawing, dancing, using multiple avenues to effectively and meaningfully communicate, and more.

Q: What do you like about helping lift others' spirits/do their own self-inventory? A: It's gratifying to be used to help people deal/come to peace with their pain, hurt feelings, problems, or concerns. As a person who experiences his own challenges and heartaches, I try to give what I would like to receive from others when I need it -- care, empathy and concern. It helps me to be more purposeful in my everyday interactions with others.

GOING DEEPER:

Q: If you died 5 minutes from now, could you honestly stand in good conscience about the life you've lived?

A: Absolutely. If I died 5 minutes from now and had to face the record, I could honestly say that although I've failed innumerable times at doing so, I've made it my business to walk faithfully before God for the last 5 years and some change thanks to His calling, guidance, and empowerment. Also, I can say that I've made consistent efforts to share Jesus with those around me for the Kingdom's sake.

Since God does the saving, I can't personally take credit for anyone who is revealed to be one of His children, or take responsibility for the destiny of those who are not. I can only say that I was faithful (again, with multiple failures) and used what I was given to further the Kingdom by keeping His commandments close to my heart and letting my lil' light shine.

Q: Are you ashamed of anything? If so, name one thing that you have a hard time admitting.

A: HA! Am I?? One thing that I'm ashamed of is the fact that I struggle to keep my mind pure when it comes to women. Even if the sin doesn't place in the physical realm, Jesus said looking at a woman with lust in your heart is the same as adultery.

Q: Okay, okay....So lemme ask you this: When it comes to helping ladies with their problems/self-inventory, can you do it with the same enthusiasm for one that you don't find so attractive as you could for one that you do?

A: *Sigh* No, I don't believe so. See?! That's a real example of something I'm ashamed of. I know it's not right to put more effort into helping the female friends/associates/acquaintances that I think are more attractive/appealing, but yet I've been doing it. Strangely enough, it's not even that I truly want romantic attention from them. I just find myself willing to spend a lot more time, be more patient, etc. with them than with other women. That favortism in my heart is ugly even to me.

Q: Hmm. I see. Keeping your last statement in mind, when it comes to your spiritual flaws, do you beat yourself up for having them?

A: Sometimes. I know that if I confess them, God'll forgive my sins and cleanse my unrighteousness (1 John 1:9), but at times I've allowed the devil to use my past sins to make me self-conscious about whether I've been faithful to Christ, the evidence of my own salvation, or when others make positive statements about my character. But, if God sees fit not to bring my past against me for Christ's sake, then by His grace I choose to not to see fit to do so either. +

That's good for now. 'Nite, y'all.

WHAS HAPNIN'

Man, it's been a while. Heh.

SOOO much has gone down since the last recorded episode. It doesn't feel quite the same to sit and spill whas on my brain on this thing, but Imma try.

These days, the focus is goal setting. Here in Kirksville, MO some folks find themselves bored outta their minds when they don't have a ton of external demands on their time. Not me. Whatever time I have left in Kirksville is time for slowing down and narrowing in on my long-term dreams step by step. This is the perfect place to just stop and think.

If you looked at the last 5 and a half years of my life event by event, it's almost impossible to make sense of it from a strictly circumstantial viewpoint. Even so, I'm confident that I'm right where I oughta be for the time being. That's about all for starters. Be cool, now.